The past week or two I’ve churned some heavy thoughts around in my head-
Turning, churning, kneading with my fists buried deep.
Driving in my weight, twisting on all sides through the process:
see, comprehend, know, and set forth.
When this semester began I hit the ground running. Full steam ahead I plunged through my walls and into the fire. Throwing care to the wind and rubbing dirt where it hurt, I didn’t stop to self-pity but continued running. Somewhere along the way I tripped.
Maybe it was the week I got sick, the first test I bombed, the rumors that circled, the stretch I failed to get the job done, the promise I let down…
those are excuses. I failed because I looked to my excuses and listened to the voices.
Voices that are telling me I fall short will never cease to exist,
Excuses that give me a way out from my ambition will ever be present.
Anyone who says otherwise or that my struggles are merely made up excuses are ignorant. If you are reading this and have been told the same hear my words:
Excuses are real and ever-present. It is your choice whether to fall victim to them or to succeed in spite of them but either way it is not that they do not exist. It is harmful speech and destructive avoidance for someone to deny another’s struggle. But whether or not those fools are whispering lies in your ears, you will not pull through and win your battles unless you yourself believe you can.
To join the mediocracy of the world is to listen to the limits aligned by your peers. To submit to the authority of the masses, only made powerful by the strength in their numbers, is to feed the barrier. To have a dream is to ready for battle, for nothing amazing comes without a fight. By definition, doing something extraordinary in most cases requires solitude.
I am, in no way, saying to seek isolation but to ready for it. It is both my belief Biblically and logically that we should seek to aid and be helped by the church in all seasons. I am completely of the stance that community and support are indispensable. However, I am learning the hard truth that in our fallen world, a perfect Body does not exist- Biblically, time and time again we will have to stand with the Lord alone.
But in Him is our Hope in what seems a helpless situation: He is sufficient. He can be trusted. He is enough to sustain us. He is both portion and prize. We, whether alone or standing among millions need no more than our God. It is the seasons of painful loneliness where we may be blessed with the clear understanding of the fullness of Christ. The times without the blessings of fellowship and brotherly-support where we may desperately cling to the cross in fright only to find that we are completely protected in our Father’s hand. We need search no further than the Lord’s open arms to find fullness of joy.
That being said, I am coming to understand where I went wrong. More importantly, how I am going to get out of here.
I began this semester believing in myself for the first time in a very long time, and likewise I began to bloom. But, though ‘self-confidence’, it was sustained by limited fuels rather than an ever-flowing fount. Mid-semester I fell and looked around to realize my resources were running dry. I lost my self-belief.
I was blessed with a gigantic community when I began this semester and I put too much trust in it rather than it’s Giver. The Bible tells us to be responsible with our means and I think that applies to much more than money. When God gives a blessing, I am to worship Him not only in my heart’s gratitude but in how I consume it. I was so thankful, but I forgot that in the end of it all, it is He who sustains me and not His gifts. For God is a God who gives and takes away so that we may know that He alone is our portion.
I can not realize my goals if I do not believe I can reach them. God will often be my only help but He is the only help I need. I can not put my confidence in the flesh, for flesh will fail. Our lives are to be for the glory of God for they are sustained only by the hand of the Lord. Though other helpers may come along the way, it is He alone who abides with me.
If you count anything as a blessing that strengthens your faith or love for God, it will come under fire. Guaranteed. What better place for your faith to be destructed than within the church? Dear believer, if you are struggling (as we all are) and you are granted with grace to see God for who He is, do not be afraid to stand alone. The Lord your God is with you, even to the end of the age.
This post doesn’t flow too well, but it is a blessing to have written.
God is good and He will not fail.
Reflection: November 7th, 2013
I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not, and who I am
Jason Mraz I Won’t Give Up
When this song came out it meant a lot of different and wonderful things to me. But at the time I was uncomfortable singing this part because I didn’t want or understand a world where my love didn’t end up the way I intended it to. Now, I get it. Knowing now that you’re still my friend… this song means so much more. Love is so beautiful. This song helps me articulate what I am free to give.
I am learning what I’ve got, what I’m not, and who I am. I am learning how to bend without the world caving in. I am learning how to use the tools and gifts I’ve got. And I’m learning how to love again. I could sing you this whole song in full honesty without a romantic interlace. I won’t give up on us. I love you. I want to feel with truth in my heart that I can sing this to each person I come to know.
Richelle Senior Pictures Pt. 1
A few hours shooting in the setting sun with this babe? HECK YES.
Such a pleasure and an honor to be capturing this stage in Richelle’s life.